Journal: 3
3.1.2012
Stephanie M.B.
Me... Something is always wrong with me.. Right? Never her, because she is all knowing, nothing can ever be wrong with her. She has all the answers, and has only ever be littled her self. She creates this victim, and makes those around her, that vilian with a goal to make her life a living hell. We live to hurt her, we live to make everything difficult; the two who came from her womb live to hate her. We are all against her... I hit a wall, I throw a chair, slam a door, and there is something wrong with me... I have issues, but she does no WRONG. We think she goes day by day living life so easy, right? Because thats what she knows we are always thinking. She never puts me down, never says anything wrong, and creates her dilusion of the past. I HAVE NOT and WILL NEVER lay a hand on her, but when you grab my hair and throw me against the wall I WILL ALWAYS PUSH BACK! You care about me, you say you love me, but you insult me, and drag me down, but insist you have nothing to do with my "Issues".
You Read this now, and probably think I am only disrespecting you, and think I only wish to hurt you; well Im tired of tring to prove you wrong. I am tired of tring to keep you happy. Live with your lair for a lover, and stick to your problems. While I remain under your roof, I will try to be a ghost within your walls, and attempt not to become one. You tell me I am beautiful, yet give me reasons to hate myself. You will read this and only see how I'm hurting YOU... I've done a lot wrong; I have hit him... I am not idiot, or some retard who claims to know nothing; I know it was beyond wrong and disrespectful, and had plans for an apology... But on the terms of how it happened I needed time to be calm, to peice my head together, to apologize and mean it. But because I did not tell you this a million times, and over again; because I did not tell you everything I was thinking, you again assumed I was just some bitter person who only knew how to hate; who acted like "I own the Place" Quote unquote... You are constently misjudging me, and proclaiming your judgments, by yelling them in my face, claiming your only "Brutally Honest."
I have to thank you Mommy dearest, for always being by my side to tell me how Im Fucking up, but always there push me, Right? To motivate me in the right direction... I am not blaming you, like you think I am, simply tired of being told I always do so. I did my part of fuck ups, and have always found them pushed in my face... So thank you Mother. Thank you for all of your Encouragement. Thank you for making me want to be better than you.
Journal #3 Close
3.1.2012
Stephanie .M.B.
3.1.2012
Stephanie M.B.
Me... Something is always wrong with me.. Right? Never her, because she is all knowing, nothing can ever be wrong with her. She has all the answers, and has only ever be littled her self. She creates this victim, and makes those around her, that vilian with a goal to make her life a living hell. We live to hurt her, we live to make everything difficult; the two who came from her womb live to hate her. We are all against her... I hit a wall, I throw a chair, slam a door, and there is something wrong with me... I have issues, but she does no WRONG. We think she goes day by day living life so easy, right? Because thats what she knows we are always thinking. She never puts me down, never says anything wrong, and creates her dilusion of the past. I HAVE NOT and WILL NEVER lay a hand on her, but when you grab my hair and throw me against the wall I WILL ALWAYS PUSH BACK! You care about me, you say you love me, but you insult me, and drag me down, but insist you have nothing to do with my "Issues".
You Read this now, and probably think I am only disrespecting you, and think I only wish to hurt you; well Im tired of tring to prove you wrong. I am tired of tring to keep you happy. Live with your lair for a lover, and stick to your problems. While I remain under your roof, I will try to be a ghost within your walls, and attempt not to become one. You tell me I am beautiful, yet give me reasons to hate myself. You will read this and only see how I'm hurting YOU... I've done a lot wrong; I have hit him... I am not idiot, or some retard who claims to know nothing; I know it was beyond wrong and disrespectful, and had plans for an apology... But on the terms of how it happened I needed time to be calm, to peice my head together, to apologize and mean it. But because I did not tell you this a million times, and over again; because I did not tell you everything I was thinking, you again assumed I was just some bitter person who only knew how to hate; who acted like "I own the Place" Quote unquote... You are constently misjudging me, and proclaiming your judgments, by yelling them in my face, claiming your only "Brutally Honest."
I have to thank you Mommy dearest, for always being by my side to tell me how Im Fucking up, but always there push me, Right? To motivate me in the right direction... I am not blaming you, like you think I am, simply tired of being told I always do so. I did my part of fuck ups, and have always found them pushed in my face... So thank you Mother. Thank you for all of your Encouragement. Thank you for making me want to be better than you.
Journal #3 Close
3.1.2012
Stephanie .M.B.
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